Is It You?

My scale doesn't recognize me.

I wish I’d taken a screen shot. I have one of those smart scales that interacts with your phone, tracking your bmi, water weight, and, gulp, your metabolic age among other things. Our gym had a biometrics machine where it did the same thing and I was surprised to see nearly identical numbers between it and my scale’s information, so I do trust it.

To get the scale to activate bluetooth and record the results of the weigh-in, you have to jump through a series of hoops. Nothing weird, just stepping onto the scale with one foot, then stepping off, waiting for it to 0.00 out, then stepping back on again. The scale will weigh if you do not do that series of actions, but it will not record the information or give you more than just the weight.

I have weighed from time to time over the past several months, but not as obsessively as I used to. One particularly concerning time was when I cleaned the dust bunnies from around the tiny feet on the bottom of the scale and once they were all clean, I mysteriously weighed two pounds more (ugh).

This morning, super early, after peeing and before showering or eating, I showed and checked the deeper information for the first time in months. I had something happen that I had never had happen before, at least not in the “good” direction. When my weight registered in the program along with my other measurements, the program literally put up a notice that said, “Weight and fat measurements are too different from the most recent weigh in. Please confirm that this is you.”

I have seen that message before, but always because I suddenly weighed so much more that the scale did not recognize me. This time, it was because I weighed so much less that the scale doubted it was me… because Katrina just doesn’t do that. Mind you, it was only 11 pounds less than last time, but wow! What an ego boost! Thanks, scale!

Before you ask, yes, I checked to see if the feet had dust bunnies around them again.

I don’t trust this, of course, I have lost and gained 10-15 pounds literally hundreds of time in my life. I can look at that 11 pounds and think, “Great! Just do that nine more times!”

Today, I feel accomplished and that is enough for me. I am not doing anything specific to try and lose weight. I started holding off eating until noon or later, which is not especially difficult for me. This gives me a nice, long fast since we usually eat supper around 8pm. I’ve also made an effort not to eat after supper when usually, I would have some kind of snack while Eric and I watch TV at night. It wasn’t terribly hard for me to skip that snack.

I’m getting enough sleep. I stop eating when I am hungry.

I don’t expect this to continue or turn into an overwhelming success. History does not support that expectation for me. But for today, I feel good about the choices I made.

My weight causes sleep apnea and I do not use a c-pap machine. My weight makes my knees hurt. My weight makes it hard for me to walk long distances or uphill. My weight makes it harder for me to breathe. My interest in weight loss is not some mad dog need to fit the standards of what society thinks I should look like. It isn’t ego or vanity. I just want to minimize my pain and breathe better.

My life is good. My discomfort is minimal. I have a good life. I feel physically well except for those few things and other than sleep apnea, the only discomfort comes when I climb stairs or go for a long walk. I probably have less pain than most people my age. But I don’t want the pain I do have and I don’t like having the sleep apnea.

My life will be better with every 10 pounds or so I can drop. For now, I don’t feel deprived or inconvenienced, so I am going to keep doing what I am doing and see what happens.

Thanks for being here, my witnesses, and connecting without judging. We all have to walk our path in our own way. This one is mine.

Love and squeezes.